Is it Fair to Use Law of Attraction to Change My Husband?
Question: I have an affair with a man, who is very close to me in my working field. He has a very remarkable talent and has been paying a lot of attention to guide me. I feel that through this affair with him, I have achieved a wonderful breakthrough in my creative work. I have always known him, but only these two years I became closer to him. We have contact each other through email and Facebook every day. He has helped me a lot to get sources that I needed. I feel very grateful to him, we have exchanged view points, and have very deep conversation every day. One day He finally said he loves me, and I also reveal my feeling to him immediately. He told me about his problem at work, his childhood and his discontent with his parents. The last time we met, we finally have sex. However, he said he feel guilty towards his wife because we have crossed the borderline. He suggested that we keep distance from each other. But still, he pays attention in my work, still looking for sponsors and people who can help me, and to get my work exposed. I know that he still takes care and always feels happy every time when seeing that I make progress, or get a compliment. He is also like my teacher in some ways, and my obsess with him is also mixed with respect. Although I have felt sorry towards my husband, but I don't feel guilty. Because the feeling the person arose in me is very wonderful, it makes me feel like a fish which was dead for years turning fresh again.
My husband is a very nice person, his love is very concentrate and supports me a lot, allows me to fully invest my time in my work. He is almost perfect, any girl will be satisfied to have him as a spouse. However, I've never had the attracted and sexuality feeling for him. It is as if I do play out my role as a girlfriend and a life partner with him correctly all the time. We are actually very good and support to each other, and like a good friend. When I started to be his girlfriend many years ago, I was actually in a heart broken situation for another guy. But my husband consoled me with his love, and I said to myself that I want to be loved, instead of loving a person who does not love me. I have lived in the very stable situation but never had this passion with him. For all the years, my work have only precise in the skill, but lately it had became more passion and sensitivity, I know it myself and also from the comment. I feel that I need to have passion, rather than the stability.
However, I also like to have the security together with the passion. I think I deserved to have both. I wish the lover is available to me. The man has insisted to stay distant with me afterwards, and it hurt me and I feel very pained and suffer for months. I had indeed think of suicide many times, but yet try to go through it with my work. Lately I gain some praise in this field and it does make me feel better. However, I still miss him a lot. I am not sure whether I can use LOA to imagine the same quality grow on my husband? I doubt if this is fair to him. They have different type of personality, ability and talent. My husband works in different field than me, although he supports me to fully develop in my work, but he won't be able to understand my field-language, which is like the soul language to me. I realize that for years I have been treating him like an outsider to me and had put this as a lonely field that I have to face it myself. But once the other person who can understand my work-language appear, I feel almost fulfilled immediately, and start to have the desire to be with him. He make me feel complete, and also more sexual, I feel I am a female, more sensitive, more passion, and this feeling is just amazingly great. In fact I had become obsessed with him. I also feel that I am lost, but I also found that I actually enjoy the feeling of lost-control. I wish the relationship can go on for long time, even if we cannot have the sex physically, I still wish to have the interaction going on spiritually, because I also treat this as a highly spiritual relationship.
However he decided we should keep distant and shall not see each other again. He seems to be very frustrated after we have sex. He accused me of too much emotion, and the passion is dangerous to him, and these words are very hurtful to me, because I have relied on him a lot. He became cold, but still from time to time asking about my work-progress, helping me and providing me the platform I need, including all the sponsors, space and networking he thinks can help. One day, he was very upset after I wrote another letter to him, he reply to me that he doesn't love me at all, and this really put me in a very bad situation. Although now I feel I have became stronger, because I decide not to hate him, but I will still love him, and grateful for all the things that he has done to help me and the wonderful emotion that he had aroused in me.
At the same time, I still feel the emotion is lacking with my husband. Sometimes I talk to myself that I need to make myself complete, look from inner self, instead of searching outside. But I still feel lonely. I wish to have synchronizing rhythm with him again, but this time I wish that everything can turn out smoothly, and I do not want to feel lacking in the marriage again. The marriage partner shall be also the person who can synchronize and echo in the soul, or else you will continue to look for it else where. And now I wish to have this miracle happen, that to have the soul connection with a certain person, and this person shall be my marriage partner as well. I wish this can happen. Shall I work this imagination for my husband? (I don't want to hurt him and therefore I had kept this affair secret from him. But I know he had sensed this some way). Or can I wish some miracle happens that I and this guy can be together at the end without hurting any body?
Real Life LoA Answer: This question was originally a comment in the series about Law of Attraction and having a marital affair, so I'll try not to repeat. But, you ask about using the Law of Attraction to change your husband and also how much pain you're in after being rejected by the man from work, who no longer wants to see you. Those two sets of conflicting feelings are pulling you apart, and neither relationship can survive if you try to focus on both at the same time.
The thing is though, that your feelings of love for the man from work are coming from inside you (not from him at all) and, because of that, you can also choose to create passion for your husband (if you want to.)
Your feelings about another person have ONLY to do with what you focus on about them. In the early stages of any relationship = easier to stay "in love", but if you don't keep that same focus the feelings do not increase. A fresh start with someone new is tempting, but the fresh start really happens with YOU!
So, the easiest thing to try to do first is to use the power of your attention and focus to make how YOU see your current husband as the perfect man for you -- you CREATE the perfect person for you by your focus on his perfection.
You are not really changing him at all (only what you experience about him.) True love is YOUR ability to stay in alignment yourself (in your happy place, looking through rose-colored glasses, seeing with the eyes of Source Energy and affection) while you are looking at someone. It is not them or their actions that allow/disallow you to do that, it's all you.
With that in mind, these Real Life LoA pages will help you to change your own feelings AND attract a new, different experience from your husband at the same time:
- How your focus changes the people around you: LoA to make my boyfriend be less negative
- My husband and I want different things
On this page there is a "Dream Achieved" letter exercise -- try it by describing yourself as being newly happy again with your husband, feeling even more passionate and in love with him than ever. You don't have to know how it happened, just that you are now happier with your husband, and enjoying a more fulfilling marriage than you ever dreamt possible.
- Do your best to only focus on what you DO love about him, not his shortcomings or what you wish were different: Leaving First Love
- To find the perfect mate you must first be the perfect mate -- use the Build Your Grid tool to magnify your OWN feelings and memories that you would like to be experiencing more of in your life.
When you focus on being your own best self, keeping yourself focused on pleasant thoughts, and practice seeing others with the eyes of Source Energy, the highest good for YOU will always work itself out in the end. It may not be what you imagine it to be right now, but it will most likely be even better than you could ever dream.