Marital Affair, part 3: What Do I Do Now?

by M
(Philadelphia, PA)

Question: What has lead me to have a marital affair, and what is the best way to create a situation to remove myself from it without hurting anyone in the process?

Real Life LoA Answer: This was such a HUGE question, that I had to answer it in 3 parts. Page 1 covers a general, Abraham Hicks / Law of Attraction approach to the subject of a marital affair. Page 2 addresses the "what led me to having a marital affair" part of the question, and page 3 (this page) covers the "what to do about it" part of the question. There are links to the first two parts at the bottom.

So, what to do when you are already involved in a marital affair situation? ...The gist is to get yourself into the vortex (feelings of peace, love, contentment) and then you'll be better able to hear your own true Inner wisdom.

Firstly, stop focusing on the problem and berating yourself for the circumstances! ...I know that is easier said than done, I know, but the ultimate goal is always to get back to aligning yourself with the truth of who you REALLY are (the Source Energy version of you,) and feelings of peace and love.

When you are aligned with your own vortex; compassionately aligned with what you love, with what is working well in your life, and you are connecting yourself with any feelings of contentment you can find, things have a way of working themselves out. (And you are also inspired to solutions you couldn't possibly have imagined before!)

* Soothe yourself. Without giving in to urges that defeat you, find a way to comfort yourself back into a place of emotional neutrality. Take a walk in nature, look up at the sky and know that God/The Universe has it all under control, and it will ALL be OK. Listen to some beautiful music, spend time engaged in a hobby you enjoy, read inspirational literature – do something that brings you a sense of peace to ease any anxiety you may be feeling.

* Remember, this too shall pass. Nothing is so bad that it will not pass, and there is very little that you must think about right this red-hot minute. So, if it doesn't bring you joy and contentment to think about it, talk about it, read about, or do something about it, then don't. At least not right now.

* As best you can, keep yourself neutral, and focus on anything good in your life that you can. Making a habit of doing this will help you to not feel distress about your current reality.

* Find general thoughts that feel good. Remind yourself that "things always work out for me", "Everything always turns out well in the end", "it is a cooperative Universe, and the Law of Attraction is always working in my favor", "the dreams I have for myself are God's dreams FOR me", etc.

* Meditate. If you have access to the "Getting Into The Vortex" guided audio meditations by Esther and Jerry Hicks, they are excellent! Or use any method; a regular practice of meditation can quickly bring you back to your own center (which is where all the real solutions reside!)

* Focus on the ONE thing in your life that is working, and do everything you can to revel in it as much as possible. Sooner or later, more and more things will start to be working.

* Distract yourself when worrisome, angry, lonely, or troublesome thoughts come up. Again, without giving in to any urges that are not in accordance with what you really want to cultivate for your future. The goal here is to not give any kind of attention to anything that you don't want MORE of in your life. When you catch yourself lost in upsetting thoughts, immediately ask yourself what you DO want more of in your life, and start thinking about that!

* Spend time deliberately concentrating on things you enjoy and love in your environment – do your best to keep yourself more purely in vibrational alignment with thoughts of love...

Getting into the vortex yourself is where all the answers are. As my friend Julie reminds me: The true definition of soul mate is mating with your soul, which means to get into alignment with the vortex version of you, first and foremost.

Now, let go of focusing on what you DON'T want, and focus more on what you DO want – practice thinking about what you love and WANT to be experiencing, and not on the problems. Because...

The state of any relationship with another person is irrelevant to who YOU really are.

The relationship between you and your own Inner Being is the ONLY thing that IS truly relevant or important to what you are meant to be creating here on this Earth. It's not about your actions, or how they effect other people, it's about your connection with your own energy output.

You cannot be focusing on someone else's pain (or potential pain) AND be focusing on your own alignment with the vortex version of yourself at the same time!

...And, it is ONLY by focusing on your own vortex, and what you really want that you can be moving toward and in energetic alignment with your expansion – and THAT is the only true way to joy (and avoiding much of the pain of life.) In terms of the Law of Attraction, the only way you are ever guided to the right action for yourself is when you are calm, peaceful, content, and centered in yourself. This is what it is to be in the vortex – to feel love, joy, interest, fascination, or even just a quiet confidence. That is when the best actions, ideas, and solutions are inspired from within.

There is no other person who can accurately advise you about the best course of action for you. Only you can do that, and you can only do it well when you are in the vortex yourself. Other people may give you ideas, or help you to clear resistance or energy blocks, but you are the only person who emanates your vibrations, so you are the one attracting your experiences, and you are the only one who can attract the new reality you seek.

Start by identifying what you DO want to be experiencing, and then look to create the FEELING you want to have even before the conditions change. What would it FEEL like if you were already experiencing your life the way you wish it were? Use the power of your mind in order to envision that it is working out in a way that pleases everyone – by first convincing yourself that it CAN work out in a way that is for the highest good for all involved.

Then, when you keep aligned with THAT vision, the Law of Attraction will coordinate, such that the steps along the way will be joyful for you, and things can move easily. You have no pain in the interim before your bigger desires develop.

What will happen is that either your current relationship will clearly morph itself into the relationship you have put into your own vortex, or another one that is equal, or even better, will come to you.

When you know that the Universe IS working on it for you, you can remain calm, happy, and at peace while waiting for it. When you are so committed to the knowledge that ALL is Well, that you are divine, that your dreams ARE working out for you, and that all the people in your life benefit by YOU being in alignment with your own joy, then you are able to keep up with your own expansion and have the Law of Attraction take care of everything gracefully on your behalf! ...The Universe will open all the doors necessary for whatever is most in vibrational alignment, or matching, to who you really are and what you really want.

Every relationship you ever have is an integral part in the creation of who you really are, and the clarification of your fondest dreams for yourself. Your life is supposed to fun, joyful, creative, fulfilling, satisfying, exciting, and expansive – if that is not what you were experiencing before the situation occurred, it is only natural that the Universe was going to do whatever it could to inspire you to live up to your own version of that life (one way or the other!)

The purpose of your life is for YOU to become the best version of you that you can possibly be – and that is NOT by society's standards, it is by the standards of your own Inner Being and your own full expansion as a divine Source Energy being!

I sincerely hope that you have been able to find some solace and peace for yourself in this answer. You are a divine and magnificent soul, and from the perspective of Source Energy, nothing you can ever do would ever make you any less than the glorious, lovable, precious, tender, sweet, worthy, brilliant, glorious and splendid being that you are – nothing! There are no mistakes in this life, only expansion and opportunities for movement toward your vortex to enjoy that expansion.

Love and Blessings to you (and all who read this!)

Link to part 1: Marital Affair, the Law of Attraction Perspective

Link to part 2: Marital Affair, How Did I Get Here?

Comments for Marital Affair, part 3: What Do I Do Now?

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Oct 04, 2011
Thank you.
by: Anonymous

I just wanted to extend my sincere thanks for you posting this information. I found myself on the receiving end of this and having guide lines to remind me of what is really important is crucial.

I will reread until it is.

Many thanks and blessings!!

Oct 04, 2011
I'm so glad that it is helpful for you!
by: Andrea, RLLoA moderator

Thank you so much for writing and sharing that this answer has been helpful for you!

The beautiful thing about is that it can also apply to anything that we wish were different than it is - I myself have been going through a heart-breaking situation in my life these past few months too, and re-reading the advice in this answer is even helpful for me!

EVERY experience we have is intended to help us to move forward in expansion toward our BIGGEST dreams for ourselves, and the Universe is ALWAYS working FOR YOU (even when it seems like it isn't.)

It's OK to feel pain. Acknowledge your feelings and move with them, through them, allow them to guide you toward what is bigger and better for YOU - the relationship you are really seeking is connection with your own joy.

The ability to feel and experience joy REGARDLESS of who else, or what else, is in your life now, is where ALL your dreams live. YOU CAN DO IT!

Thank you for writing sharing your personal experience with us - through you we all know that we are not alone! Blessings of love, and light, and adoration to you along your divine journey!


May 11, 2013
The other woman
by: Anonymous

Does this advice similarly apply to the other woman? I mean, can the other woman use LOA to influence her married man to choose and be with her in a way that does not hurt anybody especially the kids?

Jul 10, 2013
Yes and No
by: Andrea, RLLoA moderator

Thank you for asking, your question is something many people wonder about with regard to love relationships, whether or not they are involved in a marital affair....

The answer is both yes and no, but mostly no, because the Law of Attraction is never "working on" other people or influencing the energy of anybody else. You can only affect your own vibration and energy.

That will determine which qualities in other people are more likely to be active when they are around you, but it can never be used to manipulate IF they are going to be around you in the first place.

The best thing you can do is focus on love and light for the highest good of everyone involved, especially yourself, and practice being as joyful as you can be no matter what happens. When your heart is peaceful and loving, the best things for you will come your way -- that is the only thing you can control.

Blessings of love and light to you, and to all who read this,


Dec 18, 2013
Feelings for other man, and still love hubby
by: Anonymous

I recently attracted this charming, sweet man into my life. From the moment I saw him and he saw me we were attracted to each other. We met at work. Before long we became close and were near each other every possible second while working. Though these feelings were amazing a part of me was feeling a little bad because, I am a married lady.

I tried to tell myself I can't control how I feel about this guy, we just had amazing chemistry. After a couple of months feelings became stronger and he ended up kissing me. I felt guilty I told my husband the next day about the kiss and how I had feelings for this other person. To please my husband and potentially save our marriage, I quit my job of 5 years.

I promised I'd never talk to him again but I'm hurting inside because I truly want to text him but afraid my guilt will get the best of me again. I really want to ask how he's doing. Am I feeling guilt because society & hubby tells me it's wrong? When I'm longing to hear from him.

Personally, I feel I can love more than one person but I know my husband feels its strictly monogamous. How can I use law of attraction to connect with this man but not hurt my husband again in the process?? When I was seeing him everyday he made me feel good and wanted. The tricky part here is my husband is a great man also and is deeply hurt. I want the best for everyone involved but at the moment I feel a little broken.

Jan 03, 2014
That is such an IMPORTANT question, thank you!
by: Andrea, RLLoA moderator

Thank you so much for sharing a bit about your situation so that many, many, many, many other people who are in a similar position can know they are not alone.

There is nothing in the Law of Attraction or the Universe that makes any kind of moral judgment about marriage, fidelity, or any behavior that humans participate in. However, your own internal feelings and values are another story entirely. Feelings of guilt are your indicator to yourself, that your own thoughts are in opposition to what your Inner Self truly wants for yourself.

I suspect that your desire to feel sexy, attractive, desired, loved, wanted, and adored has been being met by the man from work, but that is contrary to the intentions you set about your marriage over the years, and what kind of relationship you always dreamed you would have. Chances are, that when you dreamed about the kind of marriage you would once have, you envisioned having those needs met from within your marriage. It is that contradiction that causes your feelings of guilt.

If you still love your husband and want to save your marriage, I would recommend using the Law of Attraction to deliberately create the experience you want to have with HIM, to re-ignite the love and passion you once felt with him, and to cultivate feelings of joy, adoration and beauty for yourself that don't have to come from someone else.

* Make a list of 25+ things you like, love, appreciate or admire about your husband.

* For anything you wish he did differently, start making declarative statements to yourself in the affirmative about him actually behaving the way you want him to. For instance, "I love that my husband is always surprising me with little gifts and flowers," "I love the deeply communicative and fulfilling conversations we have," or "my husband always makes me feel so beautiful, sexy, and attractive -- I love that he treats me like the most gorgeous woman in the world."

* Make a list of fun times you've had together, and then spend 5+ minutes each morning remembering one of those experiences in as much detail as possible.

* Set an intention every morning to look for the best qualities in your husband during that day, and stop yourself from focusing on negative traits.

* Start doing for him what you wish he were doing for you: If you want him to tell you that you are sexy and beautiful, make sure you communicate to him that he is sexy, virile, strong and attractive to you, do nice things for him, make sure he knows that you appreciate him, what he does, and that he is important to you. ...It WILL start to boomerang back to you when you focus on being the giver first, I promise!

You have raised such an important topic here, that I am going to write an entire page devoted to a more thorough answer, but for now, I hope these few ways to start using the Law of Attraction to enhance the relationship you are currently in will be helpful. Best of luck, and please let us know how you are doing!

Jul 21, 2014
Using LOA to change my husband, would that be contradict with the will of each individual??
by: Anonymous

I have read your answer above, I have the similar situation with the lady above. I really touched by the experience told and also your answer.

NOTE from REAL LIFE LoA: This comment originally included a personal story which was too long to adequately address as a comment alone, so I have moved the original comment to create an entirely new page for it, and to include an answer: Wondering if Using Law of Attraction to Change her Husband conflicts with the Free Will of Each Individual?

Jul 22, 2014
Thank you for sharing your story!
by: Andrea, RLLoA moderator

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm honored that you felt safe to share your deepest feelings with us here.

I wanted to thoroughly address your question, so I moved the majority of your original post to be it's own page. You can see it here:

Wondering if Using Law of Attraction to Change her Husband Conflicts with the Free Will of Each Individual?

Aug 07, 2014
Thank you so much
by: Anonymous

I am so glad I found this post and I'm sure I was meant to find it in some way.

I've been with my boyfriend for 9 years now (I'm 24 years old), and I'm enjoying most of the relationship, but a desire for freedom has come up within the past few years. Now I've cheated on him, something I initially never wanted to do, and I have so many chaotic feelings, and if I let myself get swept away by them I end up not knowing anything at all anymore, without clarity, only confusion. I'm glad Abraham has tought me to guide my thougts within the last year, otherwise I'd surely be a mess by now.

I just wanted to thank you for reminding me that all is really well; when I read this post, I could feel myself remembering and calming down already. You're right, I can't focus on my boyfriend's potential pain and align with my desires at the same time. I'll find it all out in due time, and luckily I have other wonderful things to focus on to align myself.

In any case, thank you. I love this site.

Aug 07, 2014
I'm SO glad this has been helpful!
by: Andrea, RLLoA moderator

I'm so glad that this answer (and this site) has been helpful for you; it is for that very reason that I continue to publish it!

Most of all though, I'm glad it has helped you to find some peace and soothing -- that is the only way to attract more clarity and find the beautiful opportunities that are hidden inside every situation.

There are many other pages here on Real Life LoA that will provide even further relief and hope, too. Please make use of the SEARCH box at the top and bottom of each page to manifest the attraction of just the right page at just the right moment!

I am also about to publish a whole series of pages on Using the Emotional Scale, which will be very helpful to you as you move through this experience in your relationship. Keep your eye on the "Newest Stuff" section to be one of the first to see it.

Thank you for writing, we are ALL glad you are here!

Love, Light and Blessings to you!

Dec 10, 2017
Thank You!
by: Anonymous

I woke up this morning feeling empty and sad and ashamed of being in a relationship with an unhappily marriied man. Tears is self-pity were flowing. I knew I had to do something about this situation so, I ended up reading your wise and constructive, loving and inspirational words of advice ... my thinking has done a complete U turn and I feel optimistic and hopeful and peaceful once again. Thank you so very, very much xxxxxc

Jan 03, 2018
Blessings to you!
by: Andrea, RLLoA moderator

I'm so glad you've been able to find some Peace, hope and optimism again. I'm sending you (and all who read this) love, light, and positive intentions for a magnificent life moving forward!

Jan 25, 2018
This is my now, and I am the one being cheated on and filled with overwhelming sadness-- help
by: Anonymous

Hi There - I am actually the woman on the receiving end, the one being cheated on. I am so new to the LOA and really trying to harness my energy on the positive and attracting that which I need to move on - but I am drowning in sadness. I understand what all has been said re: moral vs rules of LOA. And I'd be lying if I said the marriage has been a happy one, or that I too didn't have thoughts of wanting out -- which I guess could be manifestation of how I am where I am now. But even with all of that, I am really struggling on how to find joy and happiness and focus on what I want without this overwhelming sadness.

It's so real right now, so raw and so in the moment. Currently my husband doesn't know I know. I know he's been lying to me and until I figure out what I do next I almost have to keep pretending. I need help on how not to get caught up in the negativity. And, truly, I am only maybe 5 days into learning about the LOA.

Jan 27, 2018
I'm SO sorry! I hear you...
by: Andrea, RLLoA moderator

Bless your heart, I'm so sorry you are going through such grief and pain, BUT the point of the Law of Attraction is not to try to jump over your pain, or skip it and jump back to happiness and joy -- that's too big a leap. What you need to do is not resist your pain, to feel your feelings, and let them lift when they are ready. Trying to rush the process will only prolong your agony, at least in my own experience.

If you feel like it would be helpful for you, and close friend of mine offers video webinars on the topic of healing after the affair. There is a free one coming up this Monday, at 7:30-9:00PM Pacific Time.

FREE *live* video webinar: HOW TO STOP THE PAIN (After Their Affair) on Monday, January 29, 2018 You will learn how to move beyond the pain, let go of feeling like a victim, and take back your power.

Click this link for more information:

I also highly recommend getting some professional support if you can. I have been deeply served myself through EMDR therapy. You can learn more about that at:

You WILL get through this! Blessings, love and luck to you!

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