How can I use the Law of Attraction to attract my soulmate?

by Monica
(Sydney, Australia)

Question: Hi, I have been practicing staying in the Vortex for the last few years. Most aspects of my life have improved, I have the job I want, and my life is relatively stress free and easy. I am always having fun and bad things never happen. I am 30 years old and have not been in a long-term relationship for 6 years. I have had plenty of men in my life yet they only last 3 months or so. Each man I attract is getting closer to one I visualize being perfect for me. When I am in the Vortex, I visualize the man of my dreams. I imagine our day-to-day lives and how amazing our relationship is. I think I do really capture the feelings of those visualizations.

The man I want is a famous Indian Actor who I have not met yet. We have spoken on the phone though. At the moment, he is not in my reality so I am dating. Each time I date someone I make a list of positive aspects, but I still feel like I am climbing a mountain that is never ending. I am over the dating game and just want to find someone that I can stand still with. I would appreciate your advice. And by the way, your site is awesome; I have shared it with everyone I know!

Real Life LoA Answer: Hi Monica, thank you so much for your compliments on the Real Life Law of Attraction site. I LOVE hearing that kind of feedback, and so appreciate that you take the time to share the site with your friends – that is why I continue to run the site, so I can help to encourage more and more people to be able to live the lives of their dreams. Thank you!

Now on to your excellent question... This is such a common issue for people, and certainly was for me before I met my husband. I hadn't been in a long-term relationship for six or seven years before that, and I was beside myself with frustration for why it wasn't working out for me! Everything you are already doing, practicing staying in your vortex, visualizing, etc., is great!

However, I actually see two separate challenges going on simultaneously in the situation you are describing:

  1. Wanting to be in a satisfying, fulfilling, loving and fun relationship so you can be "over the dating game" and enjoy the companionship of someone you "can stand still with"

  2. Desiring a specific person whom you imagine could be the perfect person for that relationship

Unfortunately, those two desires are actually working against one another, because you are sending mixed messages to the Universe, and the Law of Attraction is giving you mixed manifestations right back.

Imagine that you are at the end of a hallway, and you need to choose between a room on your right, vs. a room on your left. In the room on your left is the actor that you are attracted to, so you are really only looking into that room, because you feel certain that he is the man for you. But what if the Universe has the REAL perfect man for you, even BETTER than the actor, waiting for you in the room that was on your right? One who is even more attractive, more fun, more well matched to you, more sexually compatible, better sense of humor, etc. But, because you have your back turned to the room on the right, while you are focused into the room on the left, you cannot even see the even better man for you.

All the while, you are actually sending the Universe more and more signals to attract the type of man that is in the room on the right. But, because you are so focused on the actor in the room on the left, your own desire and energy is not lining up with what your Inner Being has asked for, and you feel more and more frustrated because it seems like the "right" one is not in your life yet. Even if you were to bounce back and forth between the two rooms, it would still manifest as mixed signals in terms of the Law of Attraction.

It's very tricky when there is a specific person that you are interested in/attracted to. From the Law of Attraction perspective, most of the time those people are more "symbolic" or "reference material" to gain clarity and detail for the even BETTER person that the Law of Attraction is really trying to bring you.

It may sound a bit blunt, but the fact that the actor is not actually in your life right now is a good sign that he is not "the one" for you. On the other hand, I can guarantee that the person your own Inner Being is in the process of attracting to you is someone that you will like the REALITY of even more!

Universal Laws of Attraction for Real Life!

So, onto what you can do to assist Law of Attraction in helping you and your Inner Being to attract the best, most wonderful, perfect, divine right relationship for you. Here are some good ways to bring yourself into greater alignment with your soulmate:

  • De-clutter your life, schedule, and home to make space for your man – energetically, physically, and environmentally. Clean out some drawers, make sure you have two nightstands by your bed, give him space to be in your home when he does come into your life. Make sure that there is room in your schedule; do the things that are social and fun for you, but don't take on added responsibilities simply because you "have time" for them.

  • Imagine the kinds of activities that you would be doing AFTER you are in a committed relationship with your partner, and do as many of those things as you can now. Or, simply imagine that you ARE in that committed relationship as you go about your current activities, and bring that happy, fulfilled, content, and loving energy to all that you do.

  • Edit the list of qualities that you want your partner to have, and decide which ones are imperative enough to wait for, no matter how long it takes, and which ones you would be willing to live without (or cultivate over time) if that meant that he might come into your life sooner. The Law of Attraction is always trying to give you exactly what you want, and when it is very specific, sometimes that can take a very long time.

  • Think about the possible negative impacts on your life and schedule that a new partner might bring, and then figure out ways to make that transition more harmonious, or to deliberately attract someone who "fits" with what is most important to you.

  • Create a written "bucket list" of all the things you can think of that you want to have, do, or be, before you are too old to enjoy them (or, before you "kick the bucket" as they say.) Then, set out to do as many as you can, starting now. The purpose of this technique is to get your mind OFF of the problem of not being in the relationship of your dreams yet, and focus your energy around doing things that are really fun for you. This will transform your whole life to be in more alignment with ALL of your dreams for yourself.

I have done all of these processes myself, as well as others, while I was attracting the man who is now my husband, and seven years later, we are still very, very happy together. I do still have to deliberately focus my attention onto a list of his positive aspects from time to time, but that is to be expected with any (and every) important relationship.

This question is a very big one, and very important – good, solid, loving, and enjoyable personal relationships are one of the most vital aspects of our lives. And, it is your birthright. It is your birthright to create a joyful and loving life for yourself, and a massive aspect of that IS your close relationships!

The most important relationship you have is always going to be the one you have with YOU – the one you have with the bigger part of you which IS Source Energy. But it is that one that helps you to attract ALL the others! If you keep focusing on your own relationship with your vortex, and be the best version of YOU that you can possibly be, and engage in your passions, everything you want will flow into your life. It is MUCH easier said than done, of course, but that is the journey of life.

Blessings and love to you Monica, and to all who read this!

P.S. If you have thoughts, opinions, feedback, or additional questions as a result of this answer, please share them in the comments form below. ...You do not have to login, or register in any way, and your comments can be anonymous if you like. When you share your thoughts, we can all benefit through the continuing conversation!

And, if you want to know more about the Law of Attraction perspective on love and relationships, you can check out these additional resources: (These links will all open in a new tab or window.)

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Jun 09, 2013
Am I doing It the right way?
by: Ania

I'm Ania. I'm 31 years old female. I have fallen in love thrice and I realized that all the three person for whom i fallen in love with are the same.They were all the same unavailable emotionally..They all doesn't believed in being good.They all thought that humble people doesn't go anywhere and three of them wanted me to change and wanted an intimate relationship before marriage.I'm fed up of meeting wrong guys and I don't know why I've never met good guys. I'm a good looking, beautiful, intelligent, decent and a very nice human being. I'm a good daughter, sister and friend. I just want a good looking, nice human being who can love me for what I am. I don't want a rich guy I just want a simple well settled guy who feels the same for me. But my family thinks that I m very demanding. Where as I feel that I'm only looking for some one whom I deserve. If I'm good looking, Kind, Intelligent and well settled woman. Why can't I find the same qualities in my life partner too? I just want to receive the same. Recently one of my good friend told me about law of attraction and I'm working on it. I do meditation twice a day morning and evening. I have also made a sketch of my desired partner. I have made a list of Qualities which I want in my life partner but because of my failed relationships and comments which I receive from my family about being very choosy, I can't visualize myself with my soul mate. Whereas I somewhere feel that maybe I'm very choosy and that's why I'm not meeting someone.

Is there anything wrong if I'm asking for 3 simple things that my partner should be a good human being, good looking and well settled? I just wonder that why should I settle for someone to whom I'm not attracted to or don't feel anything. My family wanted me to settle down with the one who is rich or well settled in life even if he is good looking or not or feel love for me or not or share same kind of interest like mine. They think once you'll get married everything will fall in place, you just have to be responsible and sincere about your relationship or marriage. But I don't follow this concept. Marriage should take place only when both persons feel love, passion and respect for each-other and ready to compromise and adjust for each other.

I'm practicing LOA from last 3 weeks but Something really comes in-between when I try to focus on good things and try to imagine my future with my soul mate. The very first person is my ex with whom I broke off last to last month. I don't know why but consciously or unconsciously I always thinking about him, talking to him. I'm really upset about this. And second is the comments of others where I really think that maybe I'll never meet a guy of my choice. I don't know what to do. I really need some help that. Am I doing it right? I mean "LOA" is there anything I need to change or do? Please reply.

Jul 10, 2013
I think you need to be MORE specific
by: Andrea, RLLoA moderator

Hello Ania,

Your wonderful question really deserves it's own full answer, rather than just what I can write in these comments, but until I can create that for you, here are some initial thoughts to ease your mind and set you on the right track:

1) I think your family and friends may mean well, but they do not know your heart, and they do not live your life -- YOU do. Therefore, their advice with regard to your relationship is incorrect. You will never be happy if you feel you've settled for less than what your heart desires, so I encourage you to hold on for the person who makes your heart sing with joy.

2) To that end, I also think that you need to be even MORE specific than simply "a good man who is good looking and well-settled." That is very vague, and truth be told, you actually desire MUCH more for yourself/your life. You have every right to desire more than that -- YOU are much more than those 3 qualities yourself, and it is only fitting that your ideal partner should be much more than that too!

3) Make a list of the kind of person that you would love your partner to be -- how does he spend his time, what does he like to do, what kind of family does he come from, what are his values, how does he take care of himself, what kind of friends does he have? Then, for each quality, accept and appreciate WHY that quality is important for you, why is it a good match for who you are. This will help you to build a much stronger image, and vibration, for attracting that person into your life.

Lastly, it is normal to envision your ex when you are trying to attract a new love, because that is your most recent reference point. When that happens, think of the things you DID like and appreciate about them, and then allow your mind to think of some specific ways that a new person could be EVEN BETTER. Then let yourself feel the excitement and delight in the idea of that new person, whomever they may be.

In the meantime, focus on being as happy and busy in your own life as you can possibly be, and exciting new people will be showing up before you know it!

Blessings and love to you Ania, I wish you the BEST,

Mar 02, 2014
Thanks a lot
by: Anonymous

Thanks Andrea. The answers clears my questions because I am also going through the same problem.

Apr 14, 2014
I "Feel" Negative Visualization But Not Positive Ones
by: Patricia

Hi. I came across this page tonight as I was searching for an answer to something that's bugged me on and off for years. I am in my 40s and generally a happy person. I fully understand the Law of Attraction and have witnessed it work in my own life in terms of career, my business and more. But this is what's bothering me.

You know how, for instance, if someone does something unfair to you and you think back to it, you can wish you'd handled it differently. We might say jokingly to friends, "I should have slapped that guy," or "I wish I had punched her in the face." Not advocating violence but you know what I mean.

Well, if I think of an incident where someone did something that pissed me off and, just as an example, I imagine beating that person up, I *FEEL* it. I can almost be there, feeling the anger, feeling myself giving that fresh guy at the market a slap, or punching someone in the face after reading about a terrible crime done to a kid in the news. If I'm focusing on it, in less than a minute I can feel my facial muscles tighten, I can feel a surge of anger and I'm there, in that place, feeling everything I'd feel if the moment were real. This is a bit of a dramatization, but you get my point.

But when I lie down and try to visualize things like winning the lottery or even just walking on a warm beach without a care in the world, I can imagine it vaguely but not with the intensity of a negative thought. I don't *feel* the sun on my arms. I don't feel like I'm driving a luxury car or being madly in love with someone I adore.

Again, please understand, these are all just examples. But I just can't understand why it is with my understanding of the Law of Attraction and having practiced for years why I can't "deep dive" and get lost in positive visualizations the same way I do negative thoughts.

The only reasoning I can think of is because I've never been *wealthy* or *madly* in love so I have no earnest feelings to associate with those things. I can visualize all I want but I'm not *recalling* feelings I've had previously. I can only *imagine* or guess how I would feel. I haven't ever been wealthy or free of work and time constraints. But I have been angry before so that's a feeling most of us are familiar with and can identify with readily.

As another example, when I imagine winning the lottery, I immediately think of where I'd find the best financial planner, how I'd have to set up a blind trust to protect myself...see what I mean? I get wrapped up in the details beyond just the freedom and enjoyment. It's like I can't even suspend that in a daydream and just imagine the good.

Thank you for any feedback. In general, my life is very disciplined and happy. I do not entertain negative people; my friends are positive and uplifting. I belly laugh just about every single day. I love what I do for a living and my clients respect me as well. I'd love your take on all this.

Apr 19, 2014
Wonderful description of a problem we ALL have from time to time!
by: Andrea, RLLoA moderator

Oh my gosh, I LOVE you -- that is the best articulation of how many of us feel ALL THE TIME (including myself on some subjects) -- that is exactly the dynamic that we feel in our day-to-day lives which has the effect of re-creating a drab constancy in our experience.

However, I don't think it is because you've never felt the reality of being wealthy or been madly in love in the past, I think it is because the emotional jump from your current day-to-day set point, to what you would rather be experiencing is just a little too big a jump for one day. That's not bad, that's normal, it just requires some fine-tuning in your practice to climb up the emotional ladder rather that trying to see from the top before you get there.

There is much to say on this topic, so I have written an entire separate page based on your comment/question. You can see it here: "Can "Feel" Negative Visualizations But Not Positive Ones" (The page will open in a new tab or window.)

Apr 19, 2014
Thank you for responding
by: Anonymous

Thank you so much!

Apr 20, 2014
Thank you for responding
by: Patricia

Thank you so much! I mistakenly posted my "thank you" just now anonymously. I was so hoping my long question wouldn't pass you by. I'm on to reading the post you wrote about the question.

Oct 06, 2014
Same issue
by: Maidy

Hi there!
I read the page and I feel related to this topic as well. Even when I am a bit younger (20 something hehe), I never have had a long term relationship, and I feel a little bit frustrated about that...

I've read several things about LOA and the piece of advice that I am always receiving is that the real "love of my life" is me (and I agree with that); and that I must enjoy every kind of relationship that I attract... this is the hard pill to swallow. Not because I don't enjoy them, but because I always want more: more commitment, more passion, more time together, etc..

And as the case of this thread, my relationships haven't lasted longer that 5 months so I keep asking to myself: what am I doing wrong?

Lately, I have this knot on my stomach, and even when I am trying to focus on the positive aspects of my life, the missing piece is still there.

Oct 08, 2014
I hear you!
by: Andrea

Hi Maidy,

I really hear you with what you are writing! You are on the right track already with falling deeper and deeper in love with yourself, so that's really good, but one thing I would suggest for your relationships with other people is to change the questions you are asking yourself about them.

Instead of wondering what you are doing wrong, try to start asking yourself what YOU are doing RIGHT?

Every relationship you have (friends, family, colleagues, men, women, kids, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc.) ALL give you information about what you most want in your primary relationship.

So, when you start focusing on what you love most about any/all of them, and asking yourself what YOU are doing best/right yourself in your own role in each of those relationships, you can more easily attract even more of those qualities to EVERY relationship you have (and be a more clear beacon to your soulmate as well!)

Thank you for writing and adding to the discussion Maidy, your contribution is deeply appreciated!

Apr 14, 2015
How to attract specific soulmate
by: rajiv

In previous days I saw a girl that in Indian tradition the boy was to go to girls home with their family and see that girl, then when both boy and girl select each other, then the arranged marriage was declared. So the problem is that this girl is very traditional and she cannot break the parents rule, so some reasons, like kundali, they reject this relationship. But I'm frustrated because of that girl, because she is very beautiful. She fills a space in my mind, so how can i attract her? Please give me a solution....she also likes me, but she does not break the parents rule. Please help me!

May 19, 2015
Send your time becoming the best man you can be!
by: Andrea, RLLoA moderator


The best thing you can do is spend your time becoming the best version of yourself that you can become -- work hard, use your talents and skills, and do as many things as you can that you love and that make you happy. When you are in your thoughts, imagine yourself happy and busy, and deeply in love, but don't worry so much about the specific person.

If things don't work out with this girl, it is ONLY because there is someone else out there, even BETTER for you and the life you want to have, who is looking for you too!

Good luck!

Feb 01, 2016
Love out of linear time
by: Jackie

Law of Attraction is the only study of spirituality that makes a lot of sense to me. That being said, I'm trying to make sense of something huge that has manifested in my life. I appreciate knowing your response will not be a moral judgement.

I am in my early 30's and have been married for close to 5 years. Our relationship was lightning-fast -- we were engaged at 9 months and married less than a year-and-a-half after meeting. He is a good person, and a friend, but I've always felt something indescribable lacking in our relationship - I think it's spiritual depth and that we vibrate at different frequencies.

I am an Old Soul, and an artist, and about 2.5 years ago I met a mentor who has taken me under his wing. I cannot describe this relationship as anything other than miraculous and magical. Since he came into my life, I have experienced the most tremendous growth in talent and ability. He has flipped a switch in me and I am able to do things now I never thought possible.

If you're familiar with Twin Flames, or soul companions or any of that, then that is what I think we are to each other. We are so incredibly similar it's eerie. We have the exact same interests, tastes, passions, hobbies and struggles, right down to the same dream car. I feel as if I've known him for absolute ever. We love each other. He has become more important to me than my husband. It's a sweet sort of pain.

Though we have never been more intimate than deep conversation and friendship-appropriate light touching, we are both very attracted to each other sexually and the tension is extreme. He, too, is married, with adult children, and he is not going to leave his wife of 25+ years. Our age difference is close to 30 years, as well. I know marriage is what stops us each time the fire gets too hot, and I respect that. I respect him and I don't want to be a home wrecker even though I want him. I do not feel guilty about these emotions - I feel blessed to have met this incredible person and to get to love him in my own way. Though many people would be quick to condemn this as an emotional affair, I think it's something quite a bit more profound.

I concentrate on enjoying my mentor's love and companionship as best as we are able to enjoy it - from a distance - even though it is tricky at times because I do want more (and I know he does too). I have told my husband about my feelings, up to but omitting the desire, and he is glad I have someone so 'like me' as a friend in my life.

Did I manifest my soul mate/companion/twin flame? Yes, I did. Is he everything I ever dreamed of? Yes, he is... except that he's already married. Can I have him completely? No, I cannot. Do I trust in Source and that everything will work out exactly as it should? You bet I do.

My question is this: How do I move past the feelings that I've been somehow cheated (I know this is not what has actually occurred but it's what I FEEL) by time and am the butt of some divine joke? How do I reframe this to see that I've been given the most incredible gift, and learn to appreciate him and our relationship for what it IS and not what I want it to be?

Thank you in advance.

Nov 20, 2016
Thank you Jackie, this is important!
by: Andrea, RLLoA moderator


I know it has been nearly 10 months since you wrote, and I apologize for the delayed response. I was not aware of your comment (to moderate and reply) until just now, and can only hope that time has been good to you in the interim. Regardless, I know your own inner wisdom has been guiding you well.

That said, your questions are very important, and the answers you have gathered, both here, other sites, and from life are ALL for you; ALL working for your benefit.

Outer experience is a reflection of inner reality.

Soul mates and twin flames are everywhere. Some feel very loving (like you describe) and some are actually deeply irritating (as in the petty tyrants described by Carlos Castaneda in Don Juan). They are ALL here for your learning, healing, upliftment, and growth. This includes your mentor, your husband, and many other people in your life.

But, in a romantic relationship in particular, the point is not to be so similar and have everything in common with your partner -- in that case, one of you is really irrelevant. In other words, whereas he has helped you grow as an artist, it's not as likely that is his role for you as person (a divine soul having a human experience). Except AS IT IS now.

There are no accidents, because your own Inner Self/Higher Being is what is creating and attracting everything you experience.

Ridding yourself of the intense and sometimes painful feelings is not the goal. Using them to heal and grow is.

Are you familiar with the Inner Bonding process by Dr. Margaret Paul? That could be really helpful.

I would also recommend these books:

Conscious Loving by Gay Hendricks
Loving What IS, by Byron Katie
A Course in Miracles

This is a big topic, basically as big as life itself, really. There is much more to say about it, particularly that you are not doing anything wrong, and this isn't a cosmic joke. This is a GIFT for you, it's just a matter of figuring out how that is so.

Blessings and love to you Jackie!

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