The person I love doesn't feel the same as I do for him
Question:I'm married to a man who loves me totally and we agreed, after 30 years together that we trusted each other enough to 'explore' sexual experiences with other people. The rules were: 1) Don't get a disease and bring it home...and 2) Don't fall in love. I broke rule number 2. I fell in love with someone other than my husband, but this man says he doesn't feel the same for me as I do for him. My gut tells me he is only saying that because he doesn't want to be a home-wrecker. I honestly believe he really loves me too...even though he denies it.
Both are great men, and I feel love for them both and gratitude that they are in my life, but I feel stronger about the new man than I do for my husband. The new man introduced me to "The Secret" and the Law Of Attraction. I also read "The Power" and have been trying to live by it all, but despite my total love and desire to be with the new man, who I love more than I can explain, he has cut me off, totally and completely because I told my husband I broke Rule 2. My husband said he knew I loved the new man and had been contemplating divorce, although he really didn't want that.
I asked The Universe to help me figure it all out and I believed...but the new man has stopped communicating with me. I don't know what to think anymore. Trying to stay positive is so hard when all I want to do is cry over my lost lover.
Real Life LoA Answer: Hi Samantha,
Wow, that's a really tough one – it's a HUGE subject and has multiple facets (as I am sure you know, because you are living it) but I will do my best to give you some of Law of Attraction perspective on the situation.
First of all, let me start by saying that I am sorry you are feeling so much pain – feeling caught up in the middle of love for different people, and feeling like your heart is being torn in two is really awful! I'm sorry. And you are right that trying to stay positive doesn't help, it can actually make it worse, and hurt more. ...But there is hope.
In the beginning of relationships, people get that "falling in love" feeling because they find it very easy to do the sorts of things that cause them each to connect with Source Energy: Focusing on positive the aspects of another person, flowing love and feelings of adoration toward the other, excitedly imagining yourself enjoying time with the other person, feeling really good about yourself, and having experiences that result in lots of feelings of appreciation.
These actions and experiences cause the partners to connect with each other, but the feelings of love are actually generated because of the individual connections of each person with Source Energy (not because of anything the other person is doing.)
It's kind of like you are both turning on a "love hose", and are both spraying "love water" all over the place, and because you are enjoying being so wet with "love water", you think you feel that way because the other person is spraying you. The fact is that you are wet because of the "love water" itself, and it is the water that is causing you to feel that way, not the person who is spraying it. In truth, it is the "love water" that is coming from your OWN hose that is causing YOU to feel so good and wet, but, because you are both spraying it simultaneously, it (mistakenly) feels like the other person is doing it to you.
You experience love because of who you choose to flow love to, so, from the Law of Attraction perspective, you can really "be in love" with anyone. But, I know, that is sometimes easier said than done.
The video below, though not exactly referring to your situation includes a great Abraham audio for you to hear, because the advice they give also applies to you – there is not only one man for you in the Universe. There are many potential people who you could partner with and form the basis of the relationship of your dreams. And the specific one that you choose to do that with, and play with, and have fun with is almost entirely dependent on who you CHOOSE to be actively appreciating and flowing your love toward.
Sometimes the role of others' is just to briefly flit through your life to bring you a gift, some new knowledge, or more clarity about what your heart TRULY desires on a deeper level – that doesn't necessarily mean that the specific person is supposed to be in your life forever.
In this case, you have no choice but to believe what he is telling you. Even if he is not in a position to be able to be honest with himself about what his true feelings really are, for you to try to convince yourself of that, and wait for him to "see the light" is "arguing with reality" (and that is always a losing game, unfortunately.)
What you can do instead is use that relationship as the catalyst to attract something even better – use it to identify the best qualities of what you want to attract next, no matter who it is with. The Law of Attraction will always bring you either what you want, eventually, or something EVEN BETTER, so start imagining what that is:
What are your favorite aspects of the relationship you had with him?
What are his best qualities, that ones that you like the most?
What are some of his negative traits, what would you change about him if you could? (...and, even more importantly, what is the opposite of those traits, the qualities you would prefer in your ideal partner?)
What are your favorite traits and qualities that you experienced in your relationship with your husband?
Every relationship you have EVER had is contributing you’re your ideal of what the best relationship for you is going to be, and the Law of Attraction is always in the process of working it out in your favor. To paraphrase Abraham from the video above – you WILL like the end of the movie that the Universe has worked out for you! You have created it from ALL of your past desires, so, no matter which specific person you end up in a relationship with, or when it resolves itself, it WILL be a relationship and a partner that you ADORE! Really.
This Abraham Hicks video below (from their 2011 Australia/New Zealand Cruise) also has very good advice for your situation (even though the relationship the person on the hot-seat is referring to is different from yours.) The gist of it is that you have to generate feelings of Peace and joy in your own heart regardless of the person you are loving and/or with whom you are in an active relationship with. It will also give you some more specific ideas about HOW the Law of Attraction is working in the background, for your benefit, and how you can still be in the process of attracting the best relationship for you even when it temporarily feels like it is not working out the way you want...
You asked the Universe to help figure it out, and then the situation shifted to the other man stopping communication. That is important information for you; that you attracted to help you with your question. The Universe is always tending in your favor – everything is always working out for YOUR benefit.
Though it hurts right now, how might this actually be working out to be the best thing for you? That is a real question. Take some time, right now, and write in your journal answering these questions for yourself:
How could this be exactly what I most need?
How might this be actually working out in my favor in the long run?
What if this is leading me to the best possible situation for me – what would that look like?
What could be even better than having things work out the way I originally wanted them to?
What would it be like/look like/feel like if this situation ended up leading to the dream relationship that I have always wanted (with either person, or maybe even someone else?)
I sincerely hope this all helps you to feel better. Even though there is some confusion and pain right now, you ARE on the right track. Really. This situation will prove itself to have been something essential to your growth, knowledge, clarity, joy and ability to love in the future relationships you are creating. You are a beautiful, amazing, special, precious, magnificent, loving, gifted, creative and divine soul who is simply expanding in your capacity for deeply satisfying love right now. THAT is where this situation is leading you – have total faith in that truth.