Help! I'm stuck, how do I learn to NOT want what I want?

(Montgomery, Alabama)

Question: I am just having an overall difficult time with the LOA. I want so many things, concrete things but I feel so very stuck and I cannot seem to feel good about much of anything right now. Sometimes, I feel as though I am banging my head against a wall. When you are in a down mood, finding something to feel good about is very elusive.

I will tell you, I firmly believe in the LOA (Law of Attraction) and seem to understand it a little better. I can see clearly how I have managed to end up where I am based on my negativity and esteem issues. I just feel as though I am in a funk right now and cannot see how I will get through it. It appears every day is the same and though I have had moments of clarity, they seem to leave as fast as they come. A couple of weeks ago, I felt great, believed with all of my heart that everything was going to be great. I do not know how I lost that feeling but I did. I guess when you have your heart set on something in particular, it is not the right way to manifest. How do you learn not to want what you want? How do you learn not to think about it? How do you let it go? I know, letting go is probably the only way to muddle through this but, oh, how hard it is to do. My mind just mulls things over and over with all of the "what if's," "when's," "why's," etc. I do believe there is a magic to just letting it all go and trusting but that is the hard part, at least to me. I find myself praying, wishing, hoping, longing, and being downright desperate at times. I KNOW this is not the right way to do it and I am only bringing negativity back in my life. What a vicious cycle...

Real Life LoA Answer: I can SO SO SO SO relate to what you are going through right now, I really can. It's no accident that you and I are corresponding at this time, because I have had many days lately where I feel the same way as you are describing. (And, I practice the Law of Attraction for a living, so you are definitely not alone in your frustrations!) My situation is different, but the question "how do I learn to not want what I want?" often rings in my own head as well.

The challenge is, you can't. You cannot not want what you want, but you don't have to. Law of Attraction does not require that you change what you want, because your desires are the energy that creates worlds - that is what is causing you, me, and the whole Universe, to expand! It is because of our desires, our hopes, our wishes, our dreams, and there is nothing wrong with that -- that's what makes the whole world go round!

You do not have to not want what you want, but, in order to loosen the grip a little bit, and let go of the desperate feeling of wanting one thing too much, focusing on something different is a good way to do it. And, looking deeper at the desires underneath the desires instead is very helpful. Try this little exercise:

1) If you had access to a magic genie who could give you any one wish for yourself (not a wish about another person, or to make somebody else do/think/feel something) -- what would be the one thing you want more than anything else in the world right now?

There are no points for answering what you think you should answer, and though it is best to jot it down, you do not have to tell anybody the answer. Just answer, as best you can for YOU, "what is the one thing I truly want most right now?"

2) Now write down the answer to this question: If you got what you wanted in question one, what would that change in your life, what would that do for you (that you don't have now), in what ways would you or your life be different?

3) Now, if both the answers to questions number one and two are granted and fulfilled, how would you feel? Write that down as well.

What did you write down as the answer to question number three?

THAT is your real goal. THAT is your real desire. ...Your REAL goal, your real desire, the thing that truly drives your soul is what you answered in question number three. THAT is what you heart longs for!

The Law of Attraction is trying to help you with your REAL goals, the ones about your improved emotional state; your desires for love, Peace, excitement, and joy. And it is the flowing out of those emotions from you where the real juice is. Yes, of course you want to experience them coming in to you as well, but what your soul really longs for is to be giving those emotions freely -- that is when you actually feel it the most!

The power is in YOU finding the emotions you want to experience, and then sharing them with others -- find your excitement and share it, find your confidence and share it, find your passion and share it, find what you love and what gives you joy, and share your happiness with those around you. That is what is truly attractive!

The power is within you. The power to achieve you REAL goals, the ones around love, peace and joy is within you, and you alone, and really has nothing to do with what other people do in return.

Strangely enough, the Law of Attraction has little to do with what you want, and almost everything to do with what you are, with who you are being. That is why you control it, you control it through the love, peace, and joy that you are deliberately flowing OUT.

So, the key to moving with the Law of Attraction, is to practice those things which help you to be a clear channel of YOUR OWN love, peace, joy, appreciation, and connection with Source Energy.

But, I also know how hard it is to do that when you feel stuck in a funk, and are feeling like you are walking through glue, unable to get excited about much of anything. For that, I have two strong recommendations. The first thing I would do, as quickly as possible, is go out and get the series of three "Sara" books, by Esther Hicks. Those books changed my life (and that was even after I had been studying, practicing, and teaching Law of Attraction for years!) Here is a link to a review of "Sara, Book 1" on my Law of Attraction book reviews page for more information. (Will open in a new window.)

And, for continual day-to-day improvement, that you can start right away and do for free, I recommend practicing some (or all) of the steps outlined in my post about the 30-day Rx for Law of Attraction and Alignment. (Link will open in a new window.) The question that this plan is in answer to has nothing to do with your situation per se, but the information in the post will be very helpful to you I think.

I want to emphasize point number 8 on that page, about only allowing yourself to think about, or talk about something if you want MORE of it. When a situation is not as you'd hoped, find the aspects you can be appreciative of within it. Find a way to bless what you have, even if it is not enough...

"Until you can be thankful for something that is not enough, then what you have cannot be multiplied into more than enough." ~-TD Jakes

And now, for what may very well be the biggest issue that is going on -- low self-esteem, negativity, and low self confidence. One of the most integral aspects of the Law of Attraction is the ability to appreciate YOURSELF and to not beat up on yourself or feel the shame of a low self-opinion. You have to be willing to love and appreciate yourself to be in alignment with the Law of Attraction, because that is how your own Inner Being sees you (perfect, precious, divine, worthy, whole, complete, and loving every bit of you.) When you do not see yourself that same way, you are in disagreement with your Inner Being, and your resulting energy is resistant (because it is going against the natural order of the truth of who you really are.)

So, another tool I highly, highly, highly recommend is the "Natural Confidence" program by Morty Lefkoe. The Lefkoe Method involves eliminating beliefs like "mistakes and failure are bad" or "I'm not good enough", in order to re-program the erroneous messages we all got when we were young. They offer a FREE tool to experience changing a limiting belief. Or, if you want to go even deeper into really building true self confidence, increasing your self-esteem, and empowering yourself to do more than you ever believed you could, their Natural Confidence Program shows you how to build self confidence by eliminating the subconscious beliefs that are holding your back, and might be the best $200 you ever spent. (Both links will open in a new window.) It's pricey, but for me it was worth every penny.

In summary, you CAN do this, you can move through and beyond this, from exactly where you are now -- you can start right where you are and move forward, just start by moving forward. Follow the energy of anything you find exciting or interesting and move forward step by step. You can do this! It's doing nothing at all that is the real enemy.

Comments for Help! I'm stuck, how do I learn to NOT want what I want?

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Jun 22, 2013
by: Sue

Thank you for this insight. it was just the thing I needed to help me stop beating myself up continuously for going back to my negative thinking. I try to keep a positive thought about things, and then slip back into noticing the lack of. For me the trigger to wanting something is noticing the lack of.

Oct 02, 2016
The Bad Space You're in is Actually a Wonderful Space
by: Artie

I, too, have "been there" in the space you describe and I, too, was absolutely miserable.

So why do I call it a wonderful space? Because it means you're still getting guidance, stronger than ever. You're being "told" (by how you feel) that, uh oh, you're not doing this right!

There's a saying, "Every 'obstacle' on our life's path is actually a pointer to getting where we want to go more quickly."

Your feeling miserable is simply a pointer--a huge one.

So what do you do now? Here's what I did:

First, I acknowledged that who I am is a partnership of three: my body, my mind and my spirit. And that, in this life, they're *equal* partners. Each partner holds 33-1/3 percent of the shares in me!

Then I recognized that one of my partners was attempting a takeover: my mind! All the failure and misery I was experiencing was because my mind was sifting through everything "out there" as well as all my past experiences--and arriving at "the way my life *really* is." And I was listening to it, much more than I was to the other "equal" partners.

My mind is a tremendous asset to the way I make my living. I couldn't do without it. But when it tries to override my other partners, then I have to blow the whistle.

And so I did. I told my mind to go take a coffee break--a lengthy one. Then I lay down in bed and said very softly to my spirit, "It's your turn."

My spirit didn't "speak" to me, the way my mind does. But by my just acknowledging that it existed and that it held as much power as my other partners, it came alive inside me. I could feel it, stronger than anything.

That turned my breathing completely relaxed and "baby-like" (from the stomach rather than the chest). And I felt incredible peace.

Needless to say, my spirit is a huge believer in the Law of Attraction, and an even bigger believer in the things I desire. So there was no conflict anymore between where I wanted to go and where I was now. And that's where my feeling of incredible peace--and also incredible confidence--came from.

So now, whenever my mind tries to tell me who I "really" am and what life is "really" all about, I tell it to take another coffee break and come back when I have mind work to do--but not one second before.

As for that third partner--my body--it's the agreeable type. It will go along with whatever my mind or spirit says. If my mind says I'm not good enough or that I'm deluding myself into thinking I can ever get what I desire, my body will agree--by getting sick, depressed, fatigued, etc.

If my spirit says I was meant to get the things I desire because that's the nature of Life Itself--constant Creation--my body will agree with that too: by being vibrant, healthy and joyful.

It wasn't hard for me choose who I was going to listen to from now on about who I am and what Life is. And I've never looked back.

Sorry if this went on too long, but I do hope it helps. My very best to you.

Oct 03, 2016
WOW! Yes, what Artie said!
by: Andrea, RLLoA moderator


Your comment is SO right on, SO clear, and SO incredibly helpful!

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience and wisdom. Your words are well-put and timely, and I agree with you entirely.

Thank you for being YOU Artie, and contributing your excellent guidance on this topic. You never need to apologize for helping people!

Love and Blessings to you,

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