Using Law of Attraction on existing relationships

(South Africa)

Question: I have read that the Law of Attraction will help you find your perfect partner and relationship, I would just like to know if works on existing relationships? I don't want to meet anyone new but would like to work on my current relationship. Can I use the Law of Attraction for that? Thanks for taking the time to answer my question.

Real Life LoA Answer: Yes! Actually the Law of Attraction works even better on a relationship you are already in (most of the time!) When things are going fairly well in your relationship, and you have a sense of a good foundation, in which you know that you love/care for the person you are with, you can easily build upon that, and expand it to be better and better. If it is the case that the relationship you are in is not going well, you can still use the Law of Attraction (in the same ways I will mention below) to repair it somewhat, but it can be difficult.

I will assume that your relationship is mostly good, and you want to attract even more love, more intimacy, more fun, more excitement, more respect, and more joy with the person you are currently involved with.

The best thing you can do, at any time, is to make a list of at least 25 qualities you genuinely admire, enjoy, like, love or appreciate about your partner - their positive aspects. This is a great thing to do when you are feeling good about the person, and even a really good thing to do if you are a little cross, or if your partner is annoying you a little.

(**Note** Don't try to make a list of positive aspects if you are really angry, shift your focus first by disengaging yourself from thinking about the anger and go do something completely unrelated, that you enjoy - like taking a walk, have a bath, read a good book, bake - something fun for you. Then try the positive qualities exercise after you have cooled off a little.)

What this exercise does is shift your focus on to the best qualities the other person has, which is how your own Inner Being (soul/heart) always sees them, so you are really lining up with YOU (and the Law of Attraction) when you focus on the good qualities in another person.

Another thing you can do is make lists of all the things you currently enjoy doing together, and gather up some very detailed memories of wonderful times you have had together. You can even go so far as to put together a scrapbook to really capture the details! Remembering and savoring as many thoughts and memories as you can from wonderful past experiences will attract future experiences with the same feelings.

The more time you spend with your mind on the good things around you, the things you appreciate, love, and enjoy, the more the Law of Attraction and the Universe can know what it is that you DO like, and bring you MORE of that - whether it is about people, situations, experiences, or feelings.

Another valuable habit to get into when it comes to relationships is to practice giving your partner the benefit of the doubt (at least in your own mind.) When you have the chance, try to identify why any mistake made may truly be a mistake, and/or why there may have been good intentions at an outset rather than character flaws to blame for the things that do go wrong.

There are plenty more ways to magnify and enrich an existing relationship, but I want to get this out to you as soon as possible. If there is anything more specific you would like support with, please feel free to write again, and I will do my best to answer. Until then, blessings, love and light to you as you create the relationship of your dreams with your partner!

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Jul 14, 2015
I need help
by: Anonymous

Hey, I did not understand how to post so I'm just posting here. I am in a relationship, it's mostly good. But these last days my boyfriend does not seem to care, he doesn't speak to me, and if I try to speak to him he just answers me with short answers.

I have been trying my best to make him happy, but he just won't talk to me, and now he is ignoring me. I really love him and want to be with him, but not like this. We had a really good relationship with lots of love, but now it's all gone. What can I do to save my relationship? I really miss him.

Aug 13, 2015
I'm so sorry, that's really hard
by: Andrea, RLLoA moderator

I hear you. That's a really difficult situation, I'm so sorry!

Of course, it's almost impossible to say what is really going on, especially if he won't talk to you. But, in my experience, when somebody suddenly changes and will no longer communicate it is because there is something going on.

If you think of it the same way you would if a small child suddenly changed temperament, you'd know something was the matter. If it were a child you'd have to wonder if:

...maybe he was being bullied at school?
...maybe he has fallen into drugs or alcohol?
...maybe he has started being friends with some kids who are a bad influence?
...maybe he has been through something traumatic you don't know about?
...maybe his parents are divorcing/fighting/ill?
...maybe he's failing at his studies?

The same can be true for adults, it's just higher stakes and bigger adult problems, including the possibility that he's met someone else.

The trouble is, there is almost nothing you can do about someone else's reality, other than to change YOUR thoughts about it.

For that, I always recommend "The Work of Byron Katie" ( to face the REALITY of the situation (whatever it is) and work on your on your thoughts and feelings about it. The key is to come to a place of acceptance with what is, and to not try to push or change it too much.

The only thing you can ever really do is accept what is, and work with your feelings about it. When YOU can feel mostly at peace, then you can access many more creative solutions, more power yourself, and are much more available to love that wants to come to you (no matter where it is coming from!?)

In the meantime, you can focus on different thoughts you're thinking about him by reading this LoA Q & A page: My boyfriend is so negative!

But the REAL relief is in working on your OWN deeper fears.

Much love, light, blessings, and best of luck to you!

Aug 13, 2015
Another suggestion
by: Andrea, RLLoA moderator

Another thought for you...

One of my favorite teachers (and coach/author) Robert Holden says that when you are experiencing any love/relationship troubles, the real problem is feeling separation from your OWN heart!

...the path forward is to deeply connect with your own heart more -- that means tuning into what you love, what you want to do, what you want to be, and what your heart longs to say and share with you and the world.

You can learn more about that by reading his book "Lovability" (by Robert Holden).

Jan 17, 2017
I always feel insecure. Help if it's OK.
by: Jessica

Hello, I wanted to ask, what to do when I continuously feel insecure about my relationship. I always feel like I might get cheated on or left by my partner. I tend to ask so many questions to him, it just starts a conflict. I always focus on what may happen. Especially after all my screaming and self harm. We are still together, and he tells me that he always will love me, but my thoughts continuously haunt me about my past problems, and that he will leave me because of all the stuff I have done. Is there anyway to help my situation about my insecurities and such? I really want to be with him for life, but I am so afraid to lose him. :(

Jan 17, 2017
Traumas from the past being triggered now...
by: Andrea, RLLoA moderator

Hi Jessica,

I feel for what you're going through, I hear you and I understand. What I suspect is happening is that unhealed traumas from your past, when your insecurities first took hold as a very small child, are being re-triggered now, and are causing you to fear that similar patterns will happen again.

The problem is that those very fears will eventually cause the patterns to repeat unless you are able to heal what is causing you to feel the fears in the first place. I have a few recommendations:

The book Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping

The book Ready To Heal by Kelly McDaniel

Also, if you can afford to seek the support of a qualified EMDR therapist for assistance in healing those old fears that are causing the insecurities in the first place, you will be well-served by investing in yourself that way.

You deserve to feel loved, secure in your closest relationships, and at peace. But, it takes a conscious effort, and oftentimes professional support to be able to really feel that.

Blessings and love to you Jessica!

Jun 26, 2017
Family repair
by: Anonymous

Well right now me and my wife's realtionship is very rocky. My family has done nothing but try and help us out when needed, and for about two years things were good. Until we got married and had a son a year ago. My wife is a different person and I don't know who she is anymore. She claims my family does not care for her, and when she was in the hospital recently, for being so sick, she said that my family didn't care, because nobody came and reached out except me. I don't know why there is a feud between them. My family raised me right, and they continue to be there for me and my kids as much as they can. However my wife feels left out, and just disappointed for how she feels they're acting. I just want peace, and for this to end. I want reconciliation between them, but she refuses to talk to them. I don't know what to do anymore.

Oct 18, 2017
I hear you. I'm so sorry!
by: Andrea, RLLoA moderator


I'm so sorry that you and your wife are going through such a tough time. It's very normal for couples to go through what you describe, especially after the birth of a child, but it is still so hard, I'm sorry!

That's the thing with relationships, they bring up all of the old unhealed trauma and unresolved issues we each experienced as children, as a way to heal it now. But we often don't recognize it as an opportunity for healing old wounds, and and we build up resentment as a protection mechanism instead.

Are you and your wife willing to get counseling? A good therapist, especially one certified in EMDR therapy can be deeply healing and effective in helping to transform your relationship into the safe and loving space I hear that you want.

I might also suggest the books: "It Didn't Start With You" by Mark Wolynn or "Radical Forgiveness" by Colin Tipping as resources if counseling is not readily accessible.

Love, light, and blessings to you and your whole family!

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