The Law of Attraction and Love: Want ex-husband back!
Question: I am relatively new to LOA but believe with all of my heart in it's powers. My problem is: my husband divorced me 1 1/2 years ago. We had been married for 26 years and dated 10 years before that. We have two children and neither one of us has anyone else in our life. I have been miserable since he left. I take my share of the responsibility with the divorce but never thought it would come to this. My biggest desire in the world is for him to want me again. If he could just show a little willingness to at the very least try to work it out, I would be so very grateful. I realize it doesn't often happen to request someone in particular and that the vibrations may be totally out of alignment but this situation produces so many negative vibes, I am afraid it knocks out other good things I may desire. I am confused, I want him more than anything in the world, but do not know how to let him go, or focus on him coming back.
I know the universe may have something better in store but it is impossible to see from where I sit now. Until something else materializes if it ever should, is it damaging to continue to want him back?
It is by far my greatest desire, I still love this man very much and I believe he still has feelings for me. He is very closed off and only gets defensive if I ever bring us up. It will only lead to a fight if I should bring "us" up. It is just almost impossible for me to ask for other things even though I have, since this means more to me than anything. I feel it raises so many doubts and uncertainty as to my future which must certainly lower my vibes. One minute I think it is not out of the question for him to want me again, then the next I am thinking, he will never want me again it goes on and on. What do I do in this situation?
Real Life LoA Answer: Hi, thank you so much for writing. I hear you -- I really hear what you are saying. I hope I can help (at least with the Law of Attraction aspects of the situation!) I can feel in your words how much you miss the relationship you had with your husband, and how much you want it back in your life -- how much you want to feel that love again. I hear you, and I can imagine how painful it must be at times.
However, it is also quite common I'm afraid. It is so much easier to want what we have always wanted in the past, to desire things to continue as they were, or to return to a life that we remember as happy, or joyful, or at least comfortable. But, that is not what life is for -- that is not the point of living in the world.
And unfortunately, having a strong desire or longing for one thing in particular, be it one person, one job, one idea, one outcome, or one route to a goal is often the exact wrong kind of energy to attract it, and it not only pushes that one dream away, it pushes away all others as well.
Another problem is that a person can never be your goal. Another person can never be your dream; that is not what THEIR life is for. Another person -- not child, husband, parent, wife, partner, friend -- can be YOUR dream. The purpose of your life is not to dream about having a specific person in it in order to make it worthwhile, exciting, fun, or fulfilling.
The purpose of your life is to make it as significant, satisfying, and fulfilling as you can, on your own. Other people may be involved to enjoy the ride with you, but they are not the point of the drive. Your own expansion, and then the experience of living into it, is.
That is why your former relationship vibrated out of your every day experience. It was because the truth of who YOU really are is bigger than that relationship was allowing YOU to be. The only time something moves out of your life is when YOU have expanded beyond it, because, in fact, it is YOUR Inner Being that created the situation as it is.
I know this can be hard to hear, it's hard to imagine that one would create such a painful experience for oneself, but from the Law of Attraction perspective, there is no one else who does create in your experience. Your own soul has moved you beyond that relationship (as it was), in search of more authentic joy for you. That is why it has happened as it has.
Now, the Law of Attraction has begun the process of matching you up with the new and better, but your heart-strings are still clinging to the old and familiar. ...Even when you still feel a tremendous amount of love for somebody does not mean that you haven't outgrown them. It is natural to still feel love for someone with whom you have been so deeply connected, but that love does not mean that person is the only (or best) person for you.
The best person for you is one who reflects back to you the truth of who YOU really are!
...And the truth of who YOU really are is more beautiful, more magnificent, more creative, more intelligent, more vibrant, more precious, more divine, more communicative, more lovely, more resourceful, more dynamic, more interesting, more strong, more radiant, more passionate, and more inspired than YOU were letting yourself express through yourself while in that relationship. You are the one who has blossomed inwardly, and now the Law of Attraction is sort of forcing you to blossom outwardly as well.
Your soul has already expanded beyond that relationship in it's previous form. That's not to say that it cannot start anew, but, the chances are more likely that it was actually preparing you for something even better for you. For the past 36 years you have been slowly adding thoughts of improved traits, qualities, ideas, experiences, and visions (rockets of desire) to your own inner definition of the ideal relationship for you, the ideal LIFE for you. It is necessary for the old to give way to make room in your life for more than you had even imagined prior.
Life isn't happening TO you, it's happening FOR you.
The only thing that can really be done, by you or anyone else, is to develop such a full and interesting life for yourself, that the presence (or lack thereof) of any particular relationship is not that big an issue. That is the essence of "letting it go" as well. There isn't any way to "not" think about something specific, the only way to do it is to start thinking about something else instead. I know that may sound challenging, but it is the only thing you have complete control over, and it is the only thing that is truly attractive, in the Law of Attraction sense anyway.
It is up to you to find your own sense of self-esteem, confidence, love for who YOU are, and a way to be appreciative for all the blessings you do have now, before the relationship you really want can find you (no matter whom it is with!) Here are a few ways forward, to start to carve out your own joy, no matter what your ex-husband does/doesn't do:
- Being of service - finding a way to use whatever situation you have in your life as a way to give back. Volunteer to do what you can in the space that you are in to serve the world
- Hobbies - rekindle a love for doing something you enjoy
- Start a support group or a mastermind group, or a project team with a few friends who have similar goals or who also want support in discovering a passion or accomplishing dreams
- Read/do "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron
- Do something you've never done before - get out of the comfort zone and expose yourself to something new and adventurous
- Keep a journal that your write in every morning (or evening.) On one page purge out your feelings of hurt, frustration, anger, and grief. And on the next page write out what you DO want to be experiencing instead. Write out the feelings you DO want to feel, the things you'd like to do, experiences you'd like to have, and how it would feel if that were your truth.
- Improve your education - take classes toward a degree, or about anything that sounds interesting
- Process stressful feelings and judgments using "The Work" of Byron Katie
- Start a "bucket list" (a list of things you want to have, do, or be before you pass from the earth ("kick the bucket")) then work toward doing something from the list every week
- Make a list of unfinished projects, or incomplete cycles of action, and then start doing them, finishing them, and checking them off the list
- Start a practice of meditation, yoga, exercise, nutrition, or other health-oriented practices to nurture yourself and create more physical energy
- Appreciate what you do have - deliberately bless the happy moments you do have with the people you love, even when they won't last, or are not perfectly the way you want them to be.
- Certain things are supposed to happen, even if they are painful. What has been the deeper benefit of that experience?
- Build your relationship with YOU - start focusing on making your life as magnificent and FUN as you possibly can from where you are right now. Make yourself happy and busy, happy and busy, happy and busy.
Reach for something more to be hopeful about, do your best to get involved in social groups around your own interests and hobbies, get regular exercise, nurture and pamper yourself -- make a project of filling your own life with as much interest, fascination, and joy as you can. That's how you learn to love yourself, and THAT is what is truly attractive, both to other people as well as to the Law of Attraction! Celebrate YOU!
Blessings to you!