Trapped?? Using LoA to Change when my Partner Doesn't Want to

by Anastasia

Question: I am in a situation where I desperately need a change to a place that is more inspiring for myself and my partner. We both want a change. The problem is -- he believes he is chained to his long term job here and will not move as he believes there is no other job as good as he has here for him anywhere. He has made that clear many times. I need to find more meaningful employment in my profession and meet like minded friends. I have tried to do this here but nothing is changing for me. We are in a beautiful regional area -- not close to the city. I left my home state to be with him 14 years ago and I have felt lonely ever since. I am sad that I still feel isolated and am wasting my life away in casual teaching work and not meeting new friends and feel so unfulfilled in life. But I do not want to leave my partner. How can I work with the Law of Attraction when one person in the relationship does not see any possible chance of change? I love life and helping others but feel so alone. Thank you for any advice.

Real Life LoA Answer: This answer is going to be bold, succinct, and to the point, because I feel you can handle it straight up....

How you are feeling, and the experience you are having is a completely inside job.

You build the world of your experience by what you make it it in your mind -- it doesn't have anything whatsoever to do with your location or your circumstances.

"I have invented the world I see. I made up the prison in which I see myself. All I need do is recognize this and I am free. I have deluded myself into believing is possible to imprison the Son of God [Myself]. I was bitterly mistaken in this belief, which I no longer want. The Son of God [I] must be forever free. He is [I am] as God created him [me], and not what I would make of him [myself]. He is [I am] where God would have him [me] be, and not where I thought to hold him [myself] prisoner."

~Lesson 57 (32), A Course in Miracles, by the Foundation for Inner Peace

Watch these videos on "The REAL Source of Stress" by George Pransky, parts 1 & 2:

Here are some additional resources that I have found exceptionally helpful myself:

  • Book: Man's Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl

  • Book: Letting Go, by David R. Hawkins

  • Book: The War of Art, by Steven Pressfield

  • The Work of Byron Katie -- Loving What Is, and The Work website

  • MBSR Mindfulness Meditation training

  • Coaching; working with a professional coach

You can only create the experience you want to have from where you are. In other words, even if you were to magically get your partner to suddenly be willing to leave his current job and move locations, you would find that life in the new place would quickly feel exactly the same as it did before, but with new faces and names attached.

So, you will have the best success if you find ways to enjoy your life more here and NOW, rather than waiting until you can move.

  • Make a practice of deciding to silently love each person you see in a day

  • Get an empty notebook or journal, and create a page of positive aspects and qualities for each person and circumstance that you encounter for a month

  • Try a "media vacation" for two weeks and stop watching TV, reading the news, or surfing social media (FaceBook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.) which all contribute to fear, worry, and lowering self-esteem. (If something important happens, you will still hear about it!)

  • Find a way to help and be of service to other people around you using your time, talents, interests, skills, or expertise -- help solve peoples' problems, and it will pay off for you in more ways than you can count

  • Turn one of your hobbies into a service or a product to sell

  • Volunteer at a local library, hospital, animal shelter, or special need's center

  • Start a blog writing about something you are passionate about, or have triumphed thorough in your life

  • Create a way for people who are new to your area to meet one another, and make it your mission to cultivate new friends among them -- be the one who reaches out to them and makes the effort to plan group activities

  • Do you have in Australia? Start to attend some clubs, groups, or gatherings around topics you are interested in, where people actually get together and connect with one another (not online)

  • Take a class on a subject you are interested in, or begin a degree program to further your expertise in an area of your vocation that fascinates you

  • Commit to participating in a creative project or practice (painting, photography, writing, sewing, baking, finger painting, glass blowing, gardening, welding, millinery, dancing -- whatever -- so long as it is something you enjoy) for a minimum of 10 minutes a day, every day, for 10 weeks

  • Devote 30 mins a day to a self-care routine which includes meditation, stretching, and some movement. Also consider eliminating sugar and sweeteners from your diet due to their depressing nature on ones' mood and energetic vibration.

We humans are social beings, and if we are too isolated, or if we are not actively using the gifts in our hearts and sharing them with others, in a person-to-person way, we start to slowly die off inside.

Although it certainly feels that way some times, you are never trapped within the world of your own making, which is all this life really is. Enjoying your life is a decision you have to make each day, and as soon as you do, you will.

(And, as a side benefit, it is nearly guaranteed that your income will go up as well!)

Much love and many blessings to you!

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Jan 10, 2016
Thank You!!
by: Anastasia

Thank you for all your advice. Wow, there is a lot to think about and work on. You have given me some positive reinforcement that I needed. I have let set backs get me down but I will follow your well considered advice and can see that there are many areas in my self-esteem that have suffered due to feeling stuck.

I want to get back into living and creating, and helping others is one of my passions as well as Art. So I will try to utilize Real Life LOA principles and take some steps to change my mind set. It is true, we could move and end up with another set of different problems so I must create a life here somehow that integrates with others and helps me feel like I am making a valuable contribution to the world.

Thank you for taking the time to respond to me. That is very kind of you. I will do my best. Anastasia

Jan 10, 2016
You are most welcome -- and YOU can do it!
by: Andrea, RLLoA moderator

Hi Anastasia,

I'm so glad that these suggestions feel like they will be helpful for you. You do not have to do them all, of course, and you can adapt any you like... It is mainly to get you thinking. I would, however, recommend definitely trying the one or two that feel a little frightening, or like they would be a stretch -- just to jump-start you out of the old comfort zone.

The good news is that this is coming up now, because NOW is the right time for you to be working through it and taking new actions, which you have already started by writing for support! So, you're ALREADY on your way!

Even better is that as soon as you are feeling a little more satisfied and fulfilled in your own life, I am confident that your partner will start to open up and connect to his deeper desires too, all on his own. (You'll have to add a comment and let us know if that happens!)

Thank you for writing, and, please keep us posted on how you go!

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