How to be happy before the manifestation exists?

Question: Everyone I know who is into the Law of Attraction, and all of the Law of Attraction advice out there keeps telling me to act "as if" I already have what I want, to be grateful and happy and joyful in anticipation of having what I want, and that what I want already exists in energetic form, so "ALL" I have to do is align with it, and it will manifest. Bullshit.

That's damn easy to say for someone who already has everything they want, but how on earth am I supposed to be happy about being in a relationship with my "wonderful new boyfriend" when I'm not yet? How am I supposed to celebrate with my friends, tell my family about him, and be joyful about the "great" news when he's not in my life yet? How am I supposed to find that mushy, cheerful, "in love" feeling when I'm not in love yet? How am I supposed to actually feel the love and happiness that I hope I am going to feel when I am with him, when I don't actually know if I am EVER really going to meet him, or be with him???? How can I be happy about "already having" something I want, if I don't have it, and if it may not ever even happen for me?

Real Life LoA Answer: There's no accident that you're writing in with this question now, because I'm going through similar feelings in my own life. The only difference is that you want to attract your boyfriend/ideal relationship, and I'm trying to have children/start my family. But we are both dreaming of BIG manifestations for ourselves, and feel frustrated about the resistance that is still in the way. (...And, unfortunately for both of us, I can say with certainty that resistance is still present, or the dreams would have manifested already.)

So, what to do about it?

First of all, I hear you. I know how painful it feels to be going through what you are going through, because I have before, I am now, and I will again. We all will. That is how it is when you are reaching for BIG dreams--it takes a while to get up to speed with them, because they are really expansive, and they push you out of the former comfort zone you were in before the big dream was born in you.

You are where you are, and it's OK. It's normal to feel that way sometimes, and if you want to cry, cry. Have a good cry. Start there. Tears are a sign of moving energy, emotions in motion, and always include the releasing of resistance, so it's great to do when you feel emotional (especially when the reason is because you have resistance that you do not want to have in the first place, because you want to be in alignment with your desire!) So let it out, cry, scream, get mad, and sob--release as much of that energy as you can.

Then, when it feels like it is letting up, and you are 'all cried out' for the time being, stop. Stop and look around at the actual life you have right now. Not at the part that doesn't include your new man, but the part that DOES include everything you use, have, and care about, that is around you already.

Are you using a computer?
Do you have a roof over your head?
Are you able to control the environment with lights, heat, A/C?
Do you have healthy food to eat and clean water to drink?
Are there people in your life who love you? Do you have friends?
Do you have some favorite objects, activities, or a pet to be entertained with?

...These are just a few of the kinds of things that it is essential to be grateful for, and ACTIVELY, deliberately, and consciously appreciative of, in order to attract more good into your life. When you are consciously and deliberately grateful, the Law of Attraction is magnifying that focus, and bringing you more to be grateful about (and not simultaneously enhancing what's missing.)

But, that being said, now I am going to give some advice that is the complete opposite of what many other Law of Attraction experts say (and even the opposite of what I've often said on this website myself!)

Stop trying to become the version of yourself that has a different reality.


Stop whatever it is that you are doing, thinking about, reading about, talking about, or are trying to do to become what it is that you want to be. If it isn't flowing and working itself out naturally and effortlessly, stop trying to become a girlfriend, or thinner, or richer, or married, or sexier, or, if you're me, stop trying to become a mother.

Stop the diet, stop the online dating sites, stop the get rich quick schemes, stop applying to every job posting you see, stop buying lottery tickets--stop working so hard to find the "thing" that will answer your prayers.

And start being the best damn single person you can possibly be!

Start to accept the fact, that as of right now, you are single. So start making the absolute MOST out of being single that you possibly can--live it up, be bold, be active, socialize, get out and about, do things YOU love, and don't wait for someone else to do them with you. ...Get out there and do everything that someone who absolutely adored being FREE might do! Seize the day and make the MOST out of your own life right now, don't wait!

No matter what it is that you might be wishing for, hoping for, waiting for... Don't wait! Stop trying to BE anything different than you are right now, and:
  • Be the best damn single person you can possibly be now

  • Be the best damn poor person you can possibly be now

  • Be the best damn overweight person you can possibly be now

  • Be the best damn childless person you can possibly be now

  • Be the best damn depressed person you can possibly be now

  • Be the best damn unemployed person you can possibly be now

In other words, don't put off that trip so that your "new boyfriend" can come with you, DON'T PUT OFF ANYTHING WAITING FOR THE NEW YOU TO DO IT!

Before I met my husband, I had a number of organizing, repairing, and decorating projects that needed to be done around my house. I'd been putting them off for years, because I didn't want to do them by myself, thought they were too hard, or had always romantically envisioned doing them with my partner. I always thought that it would be best if my "big strong boyfriend" would paint that wall, put up that crown molding, install those wall shelves, or fix that ceiling fan (and that's not all, there was WAY more to than just those things, believe me!)

Anyway, I had a sudden realization one day that my own energy of "waiting" for my boyfriend to be in my life before I took any action on making things the way I wanted them was what was actually keeping him out of my life!

So I made a new decision, and set-out to make all the changes in my house myself. I went over to the hardware store myself and bought the paint and supplies. I went to the furniture store to order the pieces I needed. I figured out how to get it all delivered even though I didn't have a truck--I even bought myself an automatic dishwasher from a discount store and drove it home, sticking out the top of my little tiny Mitsubishi Eclipse convertible!

I just starting doing it all myself; everything I'd been waiting for "him" to help me with. Some moments I recall resenting the hell out of it, feeling so dejected and sorry for myself as I had to tape-off window sills, or run back to the paint store alone. No one to help with the work, no one to help clean up, no one to take me to dinner after a hard day of re-wiring the thermostat. But I did it. I did almost every project on my list myself, and I had a massive sense of satisfaction when it was done.

And wouldn't you know it, I met the man who would become my husband at the end of the months-long home improvement project. I can't say for sure that it was BECAUSE I finally did on my own what I had been waiting years for his help with, but I do know that the quality of MY energy was different. I could then energetically invite him into my already full and complete life, rather than NEED him to come in and fix it for me. I could let him be my friend and playmate, rather than try to cajole him into being my workhorse.

You have to make your life as ideal as possible without him in it. You have to go ahead an do all those things you have been waiting for him to do with you. You have to stop waiting, and start living as FULLY as you can on your own. That is the ONLY way that you will become the person who is going to attract the kind of man you REALLY want in your life!

When your life is full, and interesting, and vibrant, and your time is spent doing things that engage your attention, energy and passions, it has three effects:
  1. You don't spend (as much) time worrying and wondering about what's missing

  2. The Law of Attraction brings you more and more to be excited about, interested in, and to be happy about, in ALL areas of your life

  3. You can attract the truly BEST manifestation of your desires, because you are being the REAL you--only when you are participating fully in your own interests and joys are you being completely yourself. And only when you are being completely yourself can the Law of Attraction effectively bring you the people and situations that will most support your happiness and fulfillment.

So stop trying to be happy about the boyfriend you don't have yet, and start doing the ONLY thing that is in your control--focusing on your own growth, expansion, accomplishments, dreams and visions. Make your own life as big as it is supposed to be, and then the right people to fit into it will find you. That is the only true way to be happy anyway.

Good luck and blessings to you. Please leave us a comment and let us know how it is going for you (whether or not you are the original author of the question!)

Comments for How to be happy before the manifestation exists?

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Sep 28, 2014
Thank you!
by: Leesa

I wanted to commend you on the very well written article. I agree with your reasoning and I found it very helpful! May God Bless You! xoxoxo

Oct 08, 2014
Thank you so much!
by: Andrea, RLLoA moderator


Thank you so much for taking a moment to write with your compliments! I am deeply grateful that you found it to be of value!


Jan 29, 2015
Thank you
by: Susie

As much as I am not in that situation, looking through your Q and A something drew me to read it and I'm glad I did. It was a great answer and can apply to many situations in life.

One thing I would like to add, I remember when I was younger and looking for that "one" to make me happy, I would remember saying to friends, why is it when I have a boyfriend I seem to have a whole smorgasbord of "others" to chose from but now I'm with this guy!? And now I know, it's because I was happy and not putting out the vibe that I need or want a boyfriend because I had one. The LOA at work and I didn't realise back then, though I did recognise when I would have more choice......even if I didnt exactly know why. :)

Jan 30, 2015
You make an excellent point, thank you!
by: Andrea, RLLoA moderator

Thank you for sharing your real life wisdom, Susie, your words are right on point, and greatly appreciated, thank you!

You are exactly right. When you are involved in a relationship, your thoughts, focus, and words are primarily on love, happiness, what you enjoy about the person you are with, what you like about yourself, having fun, keeping joyfully busy, and that is what you attract more of through the LoA.

Consequently the Universe shows you even more people who are potentially in alignment with your likes and preferences, and who are harmonious with your focus.

Thank you so much for sharing an excellent example of that process in action!

(...Now, the trick for any of us who are not already in the mind-set of having what we desire to have, is to find a way to think more along those lines in the meantime!)

Thank you for writing Susie!

Sep 25, 2015
How to be happy before
by: Anonymous

Unquestionably believe that which you said. Your favorite reason appeared to be on the web the easiest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I definitely get irked while people consider worries that they plainly do not know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and defined out the whole thing without having side-effects , people can take a signal. Thanks

Feb 16, 2016
The best I've read so far
by: Saveen

Out of all this articles I've been reading on this topic of the law of Attraction, this article is by far the best, utterly outstanding and has instantly inspired me to keep my faith!
A job well done
Angel and Reiki Blessings

Feb 22, 2016
Thank you Saveen!
by: Andrea, RLLoA moderator


Thank you so much for taking a moment to write and share your appreciation for this article, about being happy before the manifestation exists.

Your note inspired me to read it again myself, and I am so glad I did! It's interesting to see the (subtle) areas where I still have the tendency to "wait" until some desired condition is met before I take action on my own. And now, I see again, in my own words, that it is up to me to take action now.

To just go and make my life the way I want it as best I can myself, as if the "knight in shining armor" is not coming, because the knight in shining armor is US!

Thank you for writing!

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